morning blue

as soon as i laid in bed, i went out like a light.

i don't even remember dreaming.


i woke up to the increasing pace of the sounds of my heart racing,
and walked toward the window in my room and looked outside.

i never bother to look, but something seemed to be calling me, so i looked and i saw the crisp morning light shining on the cream-colored walls outside. i haven't seen anything like this for a long while, and sometimes i wonder if i ever were myself anymore.

so i closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to remember....


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sometimes, it is the bitter parts of life that remind me to cherish the better times more. i would constantly remind myself that the emotions i feel at this point will only last for a moment, and sooner or later something beautiful will happen.

so i wait;

i wait for that moment to take my breath away.


i remember a friend once told me that things are always never, NEVER as bad as they seem to be. i do believe her but at times things make life seem so unpredictably insane and it is hard for me to hang on to that theory. i smiled then at the thought, knowing that maybe this is what they call LIFE.

i don't expect things to go as i planned it to be, and i know that disappointment will always be part of it no matter how much we all wish it not to.


i placed my arms on the cold stoned wall, feeling the chill of loneliness that lingered on its surface. A sad smile found its way onto the edges of my lips and thus formed a smile.


at times i wonder how i can smile when i am feeling so blue.


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anyway, it is official that i am starting my part-time job in KUMON tomorrow. hope everything would be fine, i definitely do not want any parents coming after me for child abusing. =p